Tuesday, October 27, 2015
Hero
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adultery, alcoholic, brothers, daughters, death, divorce, Family, fathers, funerals, lies, stepmother, Texas, war heroes, war medals
Monday, January 20, 2014
Hairy Legs
This blog also at the Huffington Post http://huff.to/1gdrBsg
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coming of age stories, daughters, fathers, hairy legs, menstruation, puberty, Texas
Wednesday, October 16, 2013
Buick Sundays
It was fall in
Stuffed with spicy tamales, I'd snuggle down and read Superman, The Incredible Hulk, The Fantastic Four, Wonder Woman, Tales From Beyond, and something called Classics, which was a retelling of stories like Romeo & Juliet in graphic form. When I'd finish my series, I'd take them inside and exchange with Mom who'd been reading Batman, or Silver Surfer. We were getting along in those days.
That night Mom might cook a one-dish meal like macaroni made with Velveeta Cheese. The nights were cold, but we were warm and full. Mom sometimes sang and danced when she cooked. She teased and complimented me. We laughed and I remember distinct happiness. On Sunday nights, I went off to bed and read some more, only books this time, and the house was quiet. I was fed on multiple levels. Mom began to come home late. When you get off at 3 a.m. late is arriving home at dawn. I was worried, upset, angry . . . and curious. I began to wake up in the middle of the night and wait for her. She was full of excuses: she'd gone out with the girls for breakfast; there was an after work party; her car broke down; her girlfriend's car broke down. I was furious and jealous and possessive, and suspected sex was happening, but only in an amorphous, nonverbal way that made me afraid of losing my mother.
I was afraid of a lot of stuff in those days. I was almost thirteen and hadn't yet started my period. Every one of my girlfriends had breasts and had been menstruating practically since birth. They were short and curvy and cute, and I was not. Mom and I began to fight everyday, and I missed a lot of school because I overslept.
"Aren't you going to school?" I wanted her to make me go, but Mom couldn't even make herself come home after work. On some days, she didn’t make it home at all. The Sunday I gouged out a hunk of my thigh in a bicycle accident I needed stitches, but didn’t tell Mom about it when she finally came home. She didn’t notice anything until years later when she asked about the huge scar on my thigh.
I passed thirteen and we fought and I challenged her and we fought some more. I was angry all the time and mean to my little brother. On Sundays Mom was exhausted and withdrawn. She cooked, but there was no laughter. I stopped reading comics in the Buick, but read Dostoyevsky by the light of a little portable electric heater bedside until Mom’s car entered the driveway. I’d quickly shut my book and pretend to be asleep. We didn’t talk until I decided to go live with my Dad in
For the year that I was gone, we remained close. Her letters were long and full of love and trivia. When she called long distance, she’d ask if I wanted to talk to my dog and cat. Long distance was expensive in those days and the gesture meant a lot to me. She was home, she was family, and my dad and his new wife were not.
I returned to
My dad wept when he found out about my sister. He begged me to return to
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blood, Buick, comics, coming of age stories, creative writing, daughters, drive, love; Texas; New Mexico, memoir, mothers, period, Santa Fe, sex, Superman, Winter, Wonder Woman
Tuesday, June 07, 2011
The MRs Degree
Blast From the Past A definition of MRs degree from the Urban Dictionary.
Overheard at dinner last night in a room filled with recent graduates from pricey private schools and the parents who had financed their attendance:
“What did your daughters study in college?”
“Sociology and psychology,” the father said, and paused, shrugging. “Don’t get me wrong. We think it was important they got an education, but they were really after their MRs degrees.” His wife sat next to him, beautiful and inscrutable.
All sound fell away for me as if I’d been sucked back to 1976 where I first heard the very same comment from some burly guy with a ruddy complexion. He swept his arms wide to include all the women sitting at the cafeteria table, in the dining hall, registered at the university, and on the planet earth, "They're just here to nab a husband."
One of my suite mates giggled, and said, “I want to graduate in June, and get married in July.” She batted her heavily mascaraed eyes at him, and he sat down and shut up. She didn’t even have a steady boyfriend, but seemed sure one would materialize within her time frame. Clearly, she was after her MRs degree and wasn’t shy about saying so.
He made me angry, and she made me feel dirty. I joined the ranks of the second wave on the spot.
But I thought all that had changed for younger women. Surely, they’d never say their sole goal in life was to marry. And what if that was their sole goal? I’m all about choice, and we all know elderly people, still married, still taking comfort from each other’s presence. Did they achieve that blessed state with each marching forward intent on their singular goals or did one subsume his/her path, realign it, walk behind or at least slow down in order to make it work?
Hell if I know.
If you can have that, what does personal achievement matter, and does personal achievement have to be defined by a career?
And more importantly, why am I so agitated over this subject?
1976 to 2011. For many, the clock has stood still.
Tuesday, January 04, 2011
Family Traditions up now at In Posse
Goya's Saturn Devouring His Son speaks to me. My mother kept secrets and tried, but failed, to teach me to keep them, too. "Never tell a man anything," she said, "he'll just throw it in your face later."
She left my father and returned to her father taking me and my brother with her. Her life was hard, made more bitter by my insistence, finally, on setting the record straight.
Given a choice, she might have preferred Delacroix's Medea, below, especially if she thought it might prevent me from publishing the following:
"Family Traditions: Writing Fiction From Real Life
Poetry and Prose from In Posse Review
Start with a personal tragedy, something that haunts your relationships. It helps if you have a colorful family chock-full of sociopaths, if not outright felons. It’s better if you don’t quite understand the impact the event(s) had on you. You’re solving the mystery of yourself. more
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bite, creative nonfiction, daughters, fiction, incest, molestation, mothers, revelation, secrets
Monday, May 31, 2010
Mother and Child
I learn about myself with my writing. For example, mothers are often featured in my stories. I didn't start out with the intention of doing this. I do enjoy reading about relationships, and the mother-daughter one is basic. It teaches one about love or the lack of it.
Motherhood was never a goal that I set for myself. On the contrary, I told many people that I'd probably never marry nor have children. I never liked playing with dolls and didn't have fantasies about the big wedding or a soul mate. I refused motherhood until I chose it. The soul mate (or best friend/spouse) came much later.
So you can imagine how surprised I was when I looked back on my short stories, flashes and novels only to discover not only mothers and sons and daughters, but adoptive mothers and blood mothers. The search for mother love is integral in my stories.
If not for that, I would never have gone to see "Mother and Child." It's a serious movie with outstanding acting by a trio of actresses, Naomi Watts, Annette Bening and Kerry Washington.
The plot revolves around Adoption, but it has more to do with
Abandonment
Aloneness
Alienation
Most will write off the theme as classic Lifetime Network material, but I didn't.
In each of these women I saw how we cut ourselves off from feeling, overprotect our delicate souls, and deny what we need most: each other.
There's a scene with Naomi Watts and a blind girl she has befriended. The character Naomi plays doesn't usually have friends, especially female friends. She's in an elevator about to flee her life again because people are getting too close when the blind girl enters, unaware of Naomi's presence. The emotions that play across Naomi's face are an intense piece of acting. Nothing is said, but she is unable to come out of herself, to reach out to another, even though it is achingly apparent that she wants to. She's as trapped in herself as the blind girl is trapped in a sightless world.
Her battles are with an unknown woman: her mother. She plays out that battle with every new female she meets, and feels compelled to repel them before they have a chance to abandon her.
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adoption, Annette Bening, creative writing, daughters, mothers, Naomi Watts, sons






