Circe: A Reinterpretation

This is a mischievous rendering of the goddess Circe. She had a wicked sense of humor, and used her magical powers with an ironic twist. Yeah, she turned her bff Scylla into a sea monster, but the girl was always stealing her lovers and bragging about it. She’d slap her ass and say, “They can’t get enough of this, but it's head the homeboys want.” Then she’d tilt her neck back, suck in her cheeks and in a grotesque mime pump her closed fist in front of her mouth.

So Circe made a magic potion which gave Scylla six heads, each with three rows of teeth, and banished her to the sea. Naturally, this put Scylla in a very bad mood and she became a peril to all sailors who passed near her. Whenever a ship passed, each of her heads would seize one of the crew. They truly received head.

Back to Circe. Besides Scylla, she got a bad rep in The Odyssey. The sailors had been at sea for a very long time. "Let's party!" Circe said, "your vice is my command." They heard the word vice, and acted like pigs at a trough party, and presto chango! can you say oink oink? It was all a huge misunderstanding and Odysseus and his men returned to normal and spent a year with Circe, long enough for her to get knocked up.

She had a kid with Odysseus, Telegonus. Like any single mother, she didn’t stop him when he wanted to meet his dad who was back in Ithaca. He got there okay, but Whoops! accidentally killed his father. It happens. He brought the body back to his mom and took Odysseus' widow Penelope and son Telemachus with him. Circe made them immortal and married Telemachus, while Telegonus made Penelope his wife.

Shite sometimes works out.